Verbal abuse: I'm not taking it from anyone" Part 2

David Allen Brown

 "Lovenotes from Above: Who am I? Who I am" 

Verbal abuse: I'm not taking it from anyone", Part 2  

 Usually the abuser has some sort of power over their victims, otherwise they wouldn’t have the opportunity to continue to berate the same person for as long as they want. Often times the victim is a child or someone that is too weak physically or mentally to do anything to stop it. In other words, an easy target. Those who don’t or won’t fight back either from fear or from feelings of low self worth. Most people that are verbally abusive are not monsters. Most people who “become” verbally abusive are ordinary people who become verbally abusive because they were treated that way.  They are usually lonely and have have anger and hurt harbored deep inside.

    The abuser is someone who has deep emotional needs and being verbally abusive is a way of getting the attention they so badly desire. They are in pain and wish to cause pain to others. The same sort of pain that they endured. As far as they are concerned, it’s only fair. Why should they be the only ones who get treated this way? If they caught the bad end of the stick, doesn’t the next person deserve the same abuse?

             I became a participant in someone elses anger and pain. My parents never screamed at us or at each other outside of the ordinary normal stuff. If my Mom and Dad had a disagreement they took it into another room where my brother and I would rush to press our ears to the door. It never helped because they got even quieter once behind closed doors. They practically whispered when they got mad.

   When my Dad would get mad he would start to shake violently because of a nervous condition he developed while he was in Korea. He was almost killed when a bazooka shell from one of his own men clipped his ear as it left the bazooka. When my Dad would get ill (mad) he would just go into his home office and stay there all day and night if he needed to and he would read from his Bible until he was’nt angry any more.

    My Mom respected that and she never went near that door except to ask him if he was coming out to eat with us. I can remember knocking on his door to see if he was Ok and as I would look in on him he would always be sitting in his recliner reading. Once Dad got to reading ,it was like a sedative for him. That’s how I learned to read from my Bible when I was upset over something so you see, we learned by example around my house.

   I’ve always likened Christianity to a slogan I heard from the state of Missouri, also called the “Show me state”. The slogan says, “Don’t tell me, show me”. That’s how my Dad was. He was a man of very few words but I got use to simply watching him as much as listening to him as I grew up.

    My Dad was always a bit of an enigma to me and my curiosity caused me to watch him carefully. There wasn’t a man alive who’s word was any better than my Dads and if he told you that he did or didn’t do something, you did’nt even think about not believing him. The man never lied and he was respected by anyone who knew him  well. I always wanted people to view me in the same way. I don’t know if they do or not, but it would be nice if they did.  

   When I got older and involved with different people , I got in relationships with people that were obviously not raised in such peaceful and quiet conditions as was I. I dated someone for 9 months that was a great actress. In other words she never let me see the real her until after the vows were made.

    My first real shock came when after a difference of opinion with my wife, I went into another room and locked the door behind me to cool down after a disagreement and she did NOT leave me alone. She stood on the other side of the door and screamed obscenities at me as she kicked and hit the door until I opened it. I had never been around anything like it before. At first I was OK but in time, she fought in front of anyone. She embarassed and humilliated me in front of my friends and relatives. No situation was sacred to her. ...continued